Thursday, January 8, 2009

USE ONLY AS DIRECTED

If you ever get the chance to chat with my brother Matt, he'll tell you some funny Ambien stories. Even though I only use it once in a while, I think I may have acquired a story from my own Adventures in Ambienland.

Here's what the pamphlet Walgreens gives you says:

This medicine may cause dizziness. DO NOT DRIVE, OPERATE MACHINERY, OR DO ANYTHING ELSE THAT COULD BE DANGEROUS until you know how you react to this medicine. CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR if you continue to have trouble sleeping or notice changes in your behavior or thinking. SOME PATIENTS TAKING THIS MEDICINE have performed certain activities while they were not fully awake. These have included sleep-driving, making and eating food, making phone calls, and having sex. Patients often do not remember these events after they happen. Such an event may be more likely to occur if you use a high dose of this medicine.

Had I but known. Prepare to enter the Tale of Melody's Midnight Brownies, starring Ambien CR.



The Tale
Date: December 30-31, 2008
Time: Between 21:30 and 02:00
Weather Conditions: Gentle snow falling

I was getting ready for bed, and took an Ambien. I plan on around 30 minutes for it to take effect, and in all my wisdom, I managed to get in a little "discussion" with Lee in that 30 minute window. In all honesty, I have no idea what it was about. But I was mad. So mad. So mad, in fact, that I left the bedroom and came into the kitchen all upset. I was ticked at Lee and (here's where you can tell the Ambien starts working- my logical thought processes get all screwed up) I decided the best way to get back at him was to force myself to stay awake through my Ambien and MAKE SOME NEW YEAR'S EVE GOODIES! Ooooh, that'll show him!
... yeah.

I had a recipe my sil Tami gave me that I'd been meaning to try and it suddenly seemed as though no time in the history of mankind was so perfect as THIS moment to make some peppermint brownie pops! So I did. Even in my perfectly gorked state (or perhaps because of said state) I documented the whole train wreck. Here goes!


This is the mess of preparing the brownies. I remember leaning on the counter for support because I was SO dizzy. I laid down on the kitchen floor to rest while the brownies were baking.

Brandishing a knife while in this state was potentially dangerous. I had asked Lee to get me a box of candy canes while he was getting the groceries. No joke, he brings home this ginormous box of 52 candy canes. What am I gonna do with over 4 dozen candy canes?!?

Scooping the warm brownie into balls, and inserting the peppermint stick. I remember at the time saying aloud to myself, "These look like poop on a candy cane!" Then I laughed to myself, because I thought I was so freakin' hilarious.


Pretty much delirious by now, I looked and thought to myself, "Now that's not very many. I better bake two more batches of brownies!"



In they go! I distinctly remember almost falling as I put the pan in the oven- my equilibrium was non-existent by then.

Yeah, that looks like it might be enough (*psh!* If it were the main course! What was I thinking?)


Time to melt down some Symphony bars to dip the brownies in. I don't have a double-boiler, so this is what I came up with at midnight, 2 hours post-Ambien. While the chocolate melted, I went and laid in the doorway of the kitchen, deciding the carpet was actually pretty comfy.



Hmm. How to get these cane crooks into mashed up pieces?


Yeah, the Magic Chopper! Full of hard candy canes in the middle of the night! That won't wake up the kids at ALL!


Lots of dipping and rolling and here's the finished product! I thought they were very tasty, particularly considering my pseudo-intoxicated condition while preparing them. I accidentally broke several while I was making them, so I think the grand total was exactly 4 dozen brownie pops. Gee, I hope it's enough...

At the last minute I decided against taking a picture of all the dirty dishes I washed, but even though I was by all definitions sleep-walking by now, I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher again. The only evidence of my nighttime revenge was an inconspicuous 48 brownie pops! I bet Lee really learned his lesson for whatever it was he did or didn't do.
I will get around to posting Christmas and our fun snowstorm pictures soon, but I have a confession.
...shh....
I took an Ambien two hours ago and I can barely see to type and lack sufficient balance to stand. I'm going to crawl to bed now!
Although here's some quickies in case you've forgotten what we look like!


JanaBean 3 months old!


Skeeter and cousin-dog Puppy romping in the snow.


I was taking pictures of the snow and Wyatt wanted to see what I was up to.



They love to chill and play together.
I hope you are all well and happy, and that this new year is being nice to you thus far. Lots of love and leftover holiday treats, and plenty of good, restorative sleep!

9 comments:

Brett and Ali said...

You are pretty hilarious!!! For how tired you were, I am shocked you didn't burn down your house. The pops look adorable. I think that could use some of your pills:) Wonder if the twins would like them as much as Diet Dr. Pepper? Your baby is looking so big, and so cute! We'll have to chat soon.

Tara said...

Oh Melody. I agree, you ARE lucky you didn't burn the house down, or fall in the oven, or who knows what else. Maybe Ambien isn't such a great idea...

Marianne said...

WOO!! And that was clearly an Ambien post! Mel, when you take Ambien you are supposed to go STRAIGHT to bed. Do not pass the kitchen. Do not make brownie pops. Do not get on the computer. Sleep...sleep....zzzzz

(P.S.--Here is the word verification word for this comment "endogyn." How's that for a dumb word??!)

Melissa Durtschi said...

I'm sorry but I can't quit laughing. What did Lee have to say about all of that, and what did you do with four dozen 'poop pops' (LOL!!!) !?!?!?!
I love it, I love it, I love it...You sure did show him!!!

Ribbit Ribbit.....

Hilarie* said...

Those cute things were from you at work? I was wondering who made them! They were really cute! We miss you.. when do you come back to work? I miss your shining/happy face!

Diana and Brian said...

Hilarious! I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. I have to admit that the peppermint-brownie pops do look pretty delicious. Jana is getting so big but she is darling!

Amber said...

WOW, Melody. While that story is freakin' hilarious, you are so lucky you didn't fall INTO the oven, or into the magic chopper, for that matter!

I hoped Lee learned his lesson, haha!

By the way, Jana is adorable!

Melinda said...

I laughed through the whole thing and made my husband listen as I read it to him! I'm glad no one or no thing was harmed during the event. Other than candy canes, of course. Oh and your double boiler solution is what I came up with complete sober of all medication, so I applaud your mental capacity even when "gorked" haha, I've never heard that word before, but I like it.

Kendall said...

What I am most impressed with is the thorough photo documentation you managed while you were floating around in pseudo la-la-land. Did you have this posting in mind while you were working, or do you make a habit of immortalizing your cooking?