This time around Daddy's absence has been a little harder. The first time he left we were all bewildered and confused. Now, however, the kids know that Daddy will be gone for a long time- and they have the past experience of "a long time" to draw on. That goes both ways- see, this time we know what to expect. Which is good. On the other hand... this time we know what to expect. Which makes it a bit tougher too.
As I've mentioned before, I can see there are ways that Heavenly Father has provided for me to weather this trial. For instance, my new job has given me new friends that have something I didn't know I'd even need: empathy. There are several other nurses whose husbands are military also, and they have been through the hardest things: months and months apart from each other, missed births, and the whole married-but-single Mommy thing. Not to sound ungrateful- I so appreciate everyone who has reached out with kind words and prayers in my behalf. There's just something special about having someone who really understands. Isn't that why the Savior is so perfectly fitted to succor us?
Being away from each other is hard, but it's even more than that. It sounds cliché, but it's the little things. It's trying to fold sheets without anyone on the other end. It's going to McDonald's and having your little guy look over to another table where you sat with Daddy months ago, and having to bite back the tears when he points there and says, "That's Daddy's place." It's the empty passenger seat when you drive away from the airport and the heartache of hearing your kids pray for Daddy to come back soon. I feel so lucky to be working with the strong, dear women who have known these trials too.
I was scheduled to work at 0700 on New Year's Day, and Lee's flight left at 0620. I had volunteered for call in the hopes that it would be slow and I wouldn't have to try to fake being fine while I took care of whatever poor patient got cursed with me as their nurse that day. But a couple of days before, one of my friends- who had been through those kind of goodbyes herself- called me and told me that she would take my shift if I wanted because she knew how hard that first day is. I readily accepted her offer and thanked her over and over before I hung up the phone and just sobbed. Not sad tears, but tears of gratitude.
In retrospect I am embarrassed that I fought so hard against leaving Rexburg; I wanted to stay so badly. But with new perspective I can see that these circumstances are the best for us at this time. There are people around us that make it possible to do this difficult task, and friends and family both near and far that provide the strength and support we need.
"I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." 1 Nephi 3:7
How grateful I am to be able to see that my way has been prepared. I am so thankful for a Father who knows my needs. I am grateful for sweet, fun, healthy children. And I am thankful for- and so proud of- my sweetheart!
*wiping smeared mascara, taking a few deep breaths*
My original intent with this post was to share these pictures. Wyatt is enthralled with the Army and the idea of "fighting bad guys." Every day he says something like, "I'm goin' to the Ah-mee now, Mommy! I'll miss you so much! Bye!" Or he'll tell me, "I'm takin' the car, Mommy. I'm gonna dwive to Joe-Jah to get Daddy." Without fail, he is geared up something like this when he tells me he's leaving:
The boy has always loved backpacks, because he thinks they're jet packs (thank you, Buzz Lightyear). When Lee saw this little-guy sized Army pack at the PX, he sent it home to Wyatt right away.
Opening the bag...
"It's my JET PACK!"
(Another dance ensued on the packing peanuts. Thanks for that too, Daddy.)
And I had to add this one because it's just cute.
And now, my melancholy and I are going to make hot chocolate and a bowl of buttery popcorn, and snuggle up with a fluffy blanket and a furry Skeeter to watch some girly movie...I'm waffling between The Holiday or Pride and Prejudice. Decisions, decisions...
Hope you are all well, and hope you know how grateful I am for your friendships and support.
9 months ago